The Best Was Right Here, I Need Not Look Further

November 26
A Response to his song, "Bigger And Better"

Assuming that beautiful
proclamation of moving on referred to me,
I have to retort.
I wasn't meant to see that, you
aren't meant to read this, but,
if the fates allow, we may yet
be rejoined.

I was not in search of bigger and better,
I like my men short and angst-ridden.
And I was not intentionally hurting you,
if that is indeed what you think,
I was simply trying to ease my own pain by
occupying my time with school, with band,
with college-
I wanted to leave you so little space in my brain
that you were forced to be evicted.

But I forgot that
you occupy my whole heart,
and that estate you have there is
lying vacant, in disrepair.

I cannot forget you in my mind when my heart
aches for you every
minute of every day,
in my sleeping,
my eating,
my learning.

Ethan, all the honors societies,
the medals,
the awards in the world couldn't amount to
the ten or fifteen minutes every few months that
we allow ourselves to embrace our ids-
you know what I mean.

I'm not good at any of that stuff.
I feel strange on that stage
in formal dress, award in hand.
And I'd trade any beaker, any
pile of DNA for time to spend with you.

It's violent, this feeling.
I soar in the sky with one kiss,
I fall into quicksand when we deny
each other our company.

Tell me, can spanish make me feel alive?
Can duckweed?
CanSAT'sCanIvyLeaguesCanFencing?
You said hope is fine but life is so much better-
I've hoped for as long as you have,
but ne'er have I lived,
except when in your arms.